Moving on Up! Congratulations, Graduates and Parents!

Moving on Up!

Graduate: To confer a degree upon. From the medieval Latin graduatus.

It doesn’t matter that my own children have long since graduated; this time of year always gets to me. While I sit watching the current group of graduates walk proudly across the stage, I can’t help but picture my own sons’ graduations. Of course I am proud; they both have advanced degrees, wonderful families of their own, and good jobs. But wasn’t it just yesterday that I saw them throw their hats in the air after high school and flash the “Hook ‘em Horns “ sign as the UT tower glowed orange? Sigh….I guess not. There are definitely more wrinkles on my face now than there were in those graduation pictures.

Commencement: Beginning. From the French comencier. Current meaning: School graduation ceremony.

I love that the word commencement is used as one completes something. It seems a bit of a paradox, but it reminds us that the end of one thing is usually the beginning of something else. Think about it; the world is round, and the place that may seem like the end, may really be the beginning. Or we may just be walking in circles. Who knows? It’s as exciting as it is scary. And that’s just for the parents!

As parents we have been told that the two most important things to give our children are roots and wings. Most parents I know do the roots thing really well. In fact, some of us dig a hole, put those roots in and stomp on them until they couldn’t possibly budge even in an earthquake. And frankly, although we laugh about it, most of us have given our children a good strong set of wings too.

 As this new crop of graduates leave the nest, I congratulate not just the kids, but the parents. Those little wings that began to sprout so many years ago are now study, durable, and ready to take your kids to new places. You’ve done your job, so you can relax.

Oh wait….don’t forget to put that homing device in. I’ve been told it really works.

Congratulations graduates and parents!

My School Fell Down

 “My school fell down.”

That’s what a kindergartner from Moore, Oklahoma said when asked about a cut on her leg. She of course, is one of the lucky ones.

I’ve wanted to write a fun, upbeat post for a few months now.  My last few have been serious, and I decided it was time to stop the drama. After all, I’m a kids’ writer and teacher. I see adorable, goofy, and funny things every day! Yesterday, I decided I would finally write that fun piece, but a monster whipping across Oklahoma changed that. It wasn’t long ago that we all became Bostonians. And before that, we were all parents of Sandy Hook Elementary kids. But today we are Oklahomans. Yes, even we University of Texas fans, some who have had more than a few choice words about that University to our north, are Sooners. Why? Because we are human, and we know it could have been us. And as we put ourselves in the shoes of those affected, our hearts break for them. As a parent and grandparent, I can’t imagine how horribly scary it would be to wonder if your child is dead or alive. And of course, we grieve with those who learned the unspeakable truth as to the whereabouts of their loved ones.

Before I heard about the tornadoes, I sarcastically told a friend that I needed to check out Facebook to see if there was anything earthshattering going on. After all, how do you know what to blog about if you don’t check out Facebook? Of course, I was joking and figured all I’d see were vacation and graduation pictures, a bit of political ranting, and the requisite inspirational posts. But these were not the images that greeted me.  Never has the word “earthshattering” been so unknowingly accurate. Scoff at social media if you’d like, but through it I found out where I could donate, what areas were hit, and information that helped me feel connected.

The recent anguish of Newtown and Boston was brought on by humans. The devastating tornadoes of Oklahoma were not. However, the response to these tragedies is amazingly similar. Anne Frank said, “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” I’m certain that if I were in her situation I would not have had the faith in mankind that she did, but watching how we, as a country, come together in the face of tragedy, I am heartened.

This morning I scribbled down words trying to answer the question of why people have to wait for disasters to reach out to each other. It was an emotional plea for understanding, and to be honest, it had more than a little anger in it. However, I’ve decided to let that go right now.  At this point, I want to do what Fred Rogers used to tell the children; “Look for the helpers.”  More than looking for the helpers, I want to be one. We can all say we feel bad, but feeling bad isn’t enough. Helping was not always easy, but now, technology has given us simple tools to aid in doing the right thing. Social media, for all its foibles helps us walk the walk and not just talk the talk. If you too want to do something to help in the recovery effort, take a look at Facebook. You’ll find a lot of information on how you can help. It really is worth scrolling through a few pictures of margaritas and burritos.  

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Their Families Are My Family

After my ranting about bullies, EQ vs. IQ, and the craziness of too much testing, I thought I’d switch tones and write a fun, positive post this time. Yesterday, I sat down and began to write all about my fabulous school visits and my excitement about new projects. I wanted to write about how students I’ve met are the future, and our future looks bright. And then I turned on the T.V.

I watched as families were shattered and lives changed forever. I watched and thought that now, these families are my family. This week we are all Bostonians, just as we were all Sandy Hook Elementary parents just a few short months ago, and just as we were all New Yorkers on Sept. 11, 2001. We are all Bostonians just as we were all part of the Columbine High School community in 1999 and Virginia Tech six years ago.  The dead and the injured of Boston are ours. The twenty nine year old woman is our sister. The middle aged runner is our uncle. And Martin Richard, the eight year old killed in the blast, is our son or grandson. We cannot separate ourselves from them.

I am saddened by the response of some of the students I see; not because they are callous or uncaring, but because they are not surprised. They are sad, scared, and angry, but they are not surprised. The post 9/11 generation has grown up knowing that there are terrorists in the world, and these things sometimes happen. They don’t remember when going through security at the airport was not an ordeal or when a lone suitcase wasn’t seen as a potential threat. Metal detectors in schools and at sporting events are the norm for these kids, as it has become for us.

As I get ready to celebrate the first birthday of my first grandchild, I think about his future. This little boy who melts my heart whenever he smiles, will have a childhood different than his father’s because it is a different world.  At first that upset me, but then I remembered that his father had a childhood different than mine. It was better than mine. I was a Cold War child hiding under her desk in fear of a nuclear holocaust. Every generation has had challenges, and I feel better remembering that we have faced and overcome them. The world is not ending; it is just changing. We will adapt to those changes, and fight for what's right. This generation of young people might just make things better. They may be the ones who help eliminate the rampant violence in our society.  

We will not forget, and we will not stop working to solve the problem, but things will go back to normal. Even in Boston, children will laugh and go to school. Mothers will rock their babies to sleep, and brothers and sisters will fight. All as it should be.

Yes, life will go on, and we will laugh again. But not today. Today, my thoughts are with Boston, and all who have been touched by senseless violence. Today their families are my family.

Testing Time!

I just saw what I thought was the oddest sign on a school marquee. It said, "It's Testing Time in Texas!" Yes, it had exclamation points. Are we supposed to get excited about this? Can we be just as excited about writing a poem, solving a problem, or even creating a problem that needs to be solved? I hope so. The bluebonnets are popping up, the weather beckons us outside, and our children are getting ready for The Test. Yep, it's springtime in Texas, and in many schools The Test seems to be all encompasing, taking on a life of its own.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that we do need some type of assessment. I am not some hippie dippie, head in the clouds person who thinks we don't need boundaries, grammar, or punctuation. BUT in my opinion the testing in our state (maybe others?) has gotten out of hand. Teachers and students alike are hyper aware of preparing for The Test. In some cases, it seems that's all they think about. I've spoken to several elementary age kids in the last week whose stomachs are in knots because of it. One young lady recently said, "You don't understand, The Test is coming up! I can't write a poem or read that book now! I have to practice for The Test!" Sigh. Can't read or write because she needs to get ready for The Test? Somehow that doesn't make sense to me. I know it's not like that for everyone, but my heart broke for her. I love the way this particular child writes, but apparently, that's not the way she is "supposed to" do it. I wonder if Hemingway or Steinbeck would have fallen into the mold. Again...sigh.

I don't teach in the public schools, so I really can't comment too much on what the teachers go through at this time of year. I've been told by a few creative, innovative teachers that they don't have time to teach the way they know and love because it doesn't fit in with preparing for The Test. I'm sure not all teachers feel this way, but I know it is an issue for some.

  Feel free to disagree, but my own observations lead me to believe that something needs to be changed. Yes, we need assessments, but this pervasive testing mentality is, in my opinion, a concern.  I see the fallout in kids whose anxiety levels are at an all time high as well as in kids who don't want to try something different because it doesn't fit the very structured unchanged pattern they've been taught for taking The Test. So it makes me wonder. If we know that all kids don't learn the same way,why do we test them all the same way?

 
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EQ Trumps IQ

The votes are in. Just as we thought…. EQ trumps IQ. EQ, or Emotional Quotient, is the ability to be fully aware of your own feelings and those of others. When teaching or writing, I try to keep this in mind. OK, I know, some of our books are about cows, but in my world there are nice cows, self-important cows, and bullying cows. Kind of like people we all know.

  Everyone can walk around thinking about what a bad day they’re having, but the truly empathetic can also sense the feelings of others. In the classic, To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus tells his children, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view--until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” The term may not have been coined yet, but Atticus Finch is the epitome of someone with a high EQ. After reading pages upon pages on EQ written by sages of psychology and education, I (a sage of nothing) came up with my own simple definition. This is not to say it’s for everyone, but it suits my purposes. A person with a high EQ is empathetic, has the ability to get along, and has the willingness to compromise. See where I’m going with this? It’s pretty simple.

What does this have to do with kids and writing for kids? A lot. Both Ellen Rothberg and I want our characters to learn a lesson in the end. They are not perfect, and we show their faults. However, we want our characters to grow and do the right thing. We want our readers to see themselves in our characters and see how they too can learn to get along, compromise, and show empathy. Yep, even if the characters are cows.

  Can a person have a good EQ without the ability to empathize? I don’t think so. I often wonder about a guy I knew in high school. He was good looking and very smart, but I remember thinking he was kind of a jerk. I clearly recall him telling a friend that he could sympathize with her less than stellar SAT scores, but he couldn’t empathize since he would never score that poorly. I wanted to smack him for hurting my friend. That’s a sort of empathy on my part, isn’t it? This friend and I spent the afternoon talking about boys who “done us wrong” as well as some particularly mean girls. I often wonder how successful that young man is today. And as for those mean girls…..I hope it was just a phase!

  As parents, we plaster the fridge with our kids’ work covered with stars, and we smile as our kids bring home those academic honors. And we should. I am not knocking brains. However, without a fully developed EQ, a person may not reach his or her full potential. Parents take time to help children read, write, or play a musical instrument. This, of course, is admirable. But what about our children’s EQ? Can we work on that? Dr. Ken Lyen says we can help increase our children’s EQ with simple things. Encourage your children to care for others, show them the importance of being honest, praise them for good deeds, and teach them to apologize for their mistakes. The apology must be sincere. As Randy Pausch said in his beautiful Last Lecture, a proper apology has three parts. 1. What I did was wrong. 2. I feel badly that I hurt you. 3. How can I make it better?

Again, the bottom line is simple. There is no need for deep intellectual discourse and long written dissertations. We all remember the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It sounds simple and childish, but it doesn’t always come easily. I hope our books help teach this very basic concept. When I left a school last week, I asked everyone to go out and make a difference in one person’s life. A third grader said, “You mean just be nice.” Indeed…out of the mouths of babes.

As the five year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina approaches, I've posted an essay I wrote in November, 2005.

A Circle of Friends

The other day I got an email from someone looking to establish pen pal relationships with “Katrina Victims”. The term jumped off the page and took me by surprise. He said he wanted these children to know they weren’t alone. First I smiled, and then I looked at my class. And then I smiled again. I have no “Katrina Victims” to offer him, and certainly, no one is alone.

I’m proud to say our school took in approximately forty students from the New Orleans area. From the minute they came to our school, they were children in our classes, not “Katrina Victims”. Yes, these students did come to us after a very difficult time, but in our classrooms, they were never “victims”. They were, and still are, children with unique learning styles and personalities….just like their classmates. As I watch everyone work and play together today, I am amazed that these children were “strangers in a strange land” just a few short months ago.

We all remember Aug. 29, when the lives of so many people in the Gulf Coast region were changed. We, as Houstonians and as a Jewish community pulled together and embraced the opportunity to help. When we were told that we would be taking in some children from New Orleans, any concerns the staff may have had were pushed aside by our desire to “Welcome the Stranger”. So the children came, and although those coming to us had endured a loss, the Shlenker children and staff were about to get a gift.

The time had come to live the values we teach. With the help of their parents, our students began to open not only their homes, but also their hearts to these new students. While fulfilling God’s commandments, they were lucky enough to make new friends and to see the world through other children’s eyes.
We certainly had an appropriate theme for Grandparents’ and Special Friends’ Day this year....."Circle of Friends." As I look around, I truly see that circle of friends….not Houstonians and “Katrina Victims”. Our children have reached out to others and in doing so, gained much in return. There is no “them and us”. There is community. There is no “Houston and New Orleans” There is friendship. There are no “victims” There are children. So as many of our families get ready to go back to continue their lives in New Orleans, we will be losing not “victims” or “evacuees”, but friends. We wish them well, and want to thank them for all they have given us. No one would wish another Hurricane Katrina on anyone, but if there’s one small glimmer of light that has come out of that tragedy, it is that many of us have had the opportunity to add to our circle of friends.

Galveston, Oh Galveston.....

A few days ago, illustrator extraordinaire, Bill Megenhardt and I had the pleasure of doing a joint school presentation at Parker Elementary in Galveston. I met the librarian, Lana Croft, at TLA in 2009 and have looked forward to working with her all year. Just like many amazing librarians we've worked with over the year, Lana got the kids excited about the visit, and they had some wonderful questions. We presented to pre K through 4th and loved each group!

After the presentation, Lana took us on a little tour....and even out for ice cream! I hadn't been to Galveston since Hurricane Ike and had forgotten how much I love it. I can't decide if it's the sight of the water, the smell of the salt, or the sound of the rushing waves that I like the best. Whatever it is, the Gulf is calming in so many ways. I love the history of the island, the people, and even the cheesy souvenir shops.

Walking around Galveston also brought back fun memories of going with groups of fifth graders. I looked at the Gulf and smiled thinking of every fifth grader we ever took asking why they have to go to old houses instead of swimming. I knew the answer, but honestly....I felt their pain.

I'm so impressed with how Galveston has come back since the hurricane, and I am determined to get down there more often. Now I have another reason to visit Galveston....the kids of Parker Elementary. Thanks for a great day....we loved hanging out with you!